“She’s Got Nice Boobs” – The Details Magazine shoot

by Jesha84, re-posted with permission

One year ago, Adam Lambert blew our collective minds with his very heterosexual photo spread in Details magazine. In honor of that catalysmic event, we give you this essay by Jesha84, which brings it all back…

No female fan of Adam Lambert can deny having had impure thoughts about the man. He’s the total package. He’s stunningly beautiful: thick, luxurient, ebony hair that calls for your fingers to run through it; piercing cobalt eyes that are usually kind but can quickly adopt a glint of mischief or a green tinge of lust, hungry and beckoning; full pink lips shaped and pursed just right for kissing (one of his favorite things to do, mind you); hands that are so adept at caressing that we wonder how it feels when he touches a lover; a body that moves and glides to music as easily and naturally as if he was bred to do it, as if his genetic code calls for nothing else; and, of course, a voice that is so inhuman, so beautiful, so penetrating, that just thinking about him singing low and deep in his chest, or perhaps in his flawless falsetto, singing to us, sends sparks of electricity shooting through our bodies. His open, honest, witty, and genuine nature add to his already overflowing charisma and charm. His sexuality and resulting unattainability only makes us want him more. His admission that he likes kissing women and finds them beautiful didn’t help. Women create a world where he is straight, where his bi-curiousity is undeniable, where we are the object of his intense desire, where “Whole Lotta Love” is being sung breathlessly into our ear. When we awake from the dream-world, we languish and lament the loss of a fine specimen. “Why does he have to be gay?”

Whoever conceptualized the photoshoot to accompany the Adam Lambert interview for Details magazine was a genius. To women, an evil genius that we want to kiss for materializing our fantasies or kill for materializing our fantasies. Details, whose targeted audience is men, had to present an openly gay man in an appealing way. How to do it? First, we’ll title the article “Why every woman in America wants to sleep with Adam Lambert.” What man wouldn’t want to be in that position? Second, what’s something that’s added to anything that is intended to be sold to men? Women. So let’s throw in, not just a woman, but a naked woman. An added bonus? Since we’ve capitalized on the desire of thousands of women, not just men will buy this issue, but all Adam’s female fans will rush to buy it as well. We’ll make millions.

The pictures… oh, the pictures. Shocking and beautiful together. Jaws drop, accompanied by a sharp intake of much needed oxygen. Who of us didn’t experience rapid breathing, increased heartbeat, perhaps a shiver of excitement?

Envy dark and rich as emeralds coursed through our veins. Who is this woman? Adam’s holding her so close, eyes closed, his face upturned to hers, tongue extended, barely touching hers. Her hand, our hand, wrap around his head, bringing him closer, closer. His fingers, tipped with chipped black polish, splay across her breast. Already we’re moaning: Oh, Adam…

A two page spread: Oh my… He’s clothed, she isn’t. Stretched beside her bare form, lays his head down on her thigh. His eyes closed, lips parted in an expression of indulgence, quiet rapture, a willingness to draw it out to its breaking point. He’s in no rush. His arm wraps aound her, fingers spread just below her rear. His other hand firmly covers her breast. It’s as though he’s trying to take and enjoy all of her at once, unhurridly, to draw his own pleasure and hers out simultaneously.

(This picture wasn’t in the magazine, but in my search I came across it, and… well, it explains itself)

A continuation of the spread. Adam’s luxuriated in her long enough. His hand moves from her breast, glides over her skin and clutches her lower back. He lifts his head and goes to run his parted lips over her thigh. The sensation causes her whole body to respond; her back arches, head falls back, eyes close as he leaves a trail of hot kisses over her sensitive skin. Yes, Adam, please…

Another picture awaits us. The level of intensity has been building in us; what’s in store for the last gem? Words escape us. Is this the continuation of the first picture? Holding her tightly again, this time clutching at her, he has no intention of letting her go until he has what he wants. Her back is arched, body streched to contact his and get as close as she can. Her hand, once lightly bringing his head to hers, now holds him firmly to her. He rests his head on her chest, turned to the side, his tongue extended to taste her breast. We can do nothing but moan.

PHEW!!! I don’t think I need to say anymore!!!

For viewing pleasure (as though we haven’t had enough), the interview where Adam sees the final pictures for the first time and utters the title quote for this installation of AQD: