Mad About the Boys

by Xena

These are confessions of the unrequited love, lust, and passion, of a 16 year old girl trapped in a seventy year old body.

Xena sees him most days, feeling her temperature rise as he approaches and hopes she’s not visibly blushing. She leans on the counter to steady herself, and prays he has something happy to report, so she can see the azure eyes sparkle, and elicit that smile to showcase the dimples in the corners of his sweetly bowed lips. If he takes off the cap and runs his fingers through his golden locks, well then it might be a 911.

At the company Christmas party Xena is dancing slowly to a melancholy ballad, when she looks across the shoulder of her barely attentive partner, and spots the boy standing alone, one hand holding a martini, the other tucked in a trouser pocket, all cool and nonchalant.

He lifts his eyes to meet hers and slyly tilts his head to the side as his gaze never leaves hers. Is he flirting as he sips his martini, licks his lips and bites his lower lip? Should she let go of her partner’s tepid embrace to follow him; will he take her, twirl her out onto the dance floor, slide his hand with the impossibly long fingers across her her bare shoulder and down her back to rest at her waist? To dance an Argentine Tango, with Adam’s languorous Mad About the Boy playing in the background.

She sees that his cornflower boutonnière reflects the blue of his eyes. Stop it! He is still looking at her, and if she’s not careful, a distracted Xena will step on her partner’s toes, trip over them, falter, and young Mr. Blue Eyes will come to the rescue, taut muscled arms outstretched to catch her.

Finally her partner, a distinguished silver haired fox, turns her around, away from potential trouble, but now she finds herself facing the boy with the chocolaty brown eyes, dark, rich, and spicy, framed by eyelashes as thick and black as his basalt hair. Unlike the quiet seductive appeal of Blue Eyes, this boy is cheeky and eager with wide eyes and a big smile. He calls Xena “the Cheerleader” as she strides around greeting everyone she sees by name. Xena as a cheerleader, short skirt and pom poms? A little giggle sneaks out and her partner pulls back – what?

Xena feels the frustrations of desire for an unattainable man, a young man, might even be young men, and the fantasies are a distraction, she loses her focus. Shouldn’t she be over this nonsense? An accomplished, adult Princess Warrior? Feeling like a frustrated, mooning teenage girl? Please no! She tells herself it’s inappropriate and to settle down, that she could be found out and die of embarrassment.

Xena tentatively broaches the subject with her sister, explaining that she’s so happy and energized, feeling pretty and flirty. “Oh no! It’s Adam all over again! Stop right now, get your meds checked before you go any further!” Xena refuses, it feels too good, so invigorating; she wants it to last as long as possible.

Why did no one tell her that this kind of lusty passion in life doesn’t end at 40 or 50 or 65? Was it in an issue of Cosmo? Readers Digest? “Never Too Old to Ignite the Flames of Passion“ It seems that the pilot light never goes out, it just needs a spark and that spark can come from anywhere, anytime.

Is it Adam all over again? but no. Would that it were so simple. Adam does not live in the neighbourhood. Like the dreams of a 16 year old girl, who can’t even get to the kissing stage with the objects of her desire. Xena’s not 16, yet she can’t control the familiar stirrings of hormonal bursts, the physical response, of infatuation. Does she need an endocrinologist or a psychiatrist or both? This physiological response to a visual stimulus, might call for a whole team of experts. Whom should she consult and what would she say? She can’t possibly be the only woman to experience this electric surge threatening to blow the circuit board.

Should she tell the experts that she saw a kiss in a movie that set her off an a libidinous jaunt, noticing all the impossibly handsome young men in her realm? That the attraction to the hot young man, playing a sexy star, kissing the pretty girl, has been transferred to those around her? His photos and interviews are everywhere, the twinkly blue eyes, the shy gestures, the perfect boyfriend, gentle, soft and seductive kisses, and she’s mad about the boy.

Xena knows exactly when and how it happened, and it’s hard not to return to that moment on repeat, to feel that frisson of desire, pushing the button for an endless loop of pleasure.

What’s a woman to do with all this barely contained and inappropriately directed passion? No one told us, we are not prepared to deal with it – The birds, the bees and the butterflies? And yes, she feels 16, a guileless, nervous and frustrated girl, left to write fantasies in a pretty diary.

..HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA – JULY 22: Austin Butler attends the Sony Pictures’ “Once Upon A Time…In Hollywood” Los Angeles Premiere on July 22, 2019 in Hollywood, California.(Photo by Glenn Francis/Pacific Pro Digital)