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For Your Entertainment Video – Halloween Edition

By Juneau

Xena’s posting about the FYE music video prompted me to dust off the following. Originally posted on wowOwow at Halloween – before FYE video was shot – this is my fantasy inspired by tweets about Adam’s Halloween night, the release of the single and a party bus scenario posted by Xena, that shameless hussy!

Love Katy Perry as the camel’s ass. Very witty. We need a party bus of our own. Imagine the Glambertinas cruising through West Hollywood. Xena and Juneau will perform a pole-dance version of Whole Lotta Love. Requests accepted. We will make stops at the Idol mansion, Nokia theater, SkinGraft, dine at Nobu, then to the Upright Cabaret, the Zodiac show, and Adam’s favorite after-hours club. How could Adam resist coming along for the ride?

By Juneau Underwood on 11/01/2009 8:47 pm


Rehearsing as we speak!  Little out of practice with the pole, but amazing – it’s like riding a bicycle, comes back quite easily! Crotch circles!  Love that feather bird costume!  Servant Brad for bartender – I think it would be fun to have a couple of boys along too – I’d like Cassidy – maybe we could fatten him up with some good cooking. Any other boys?

Maybe Adam could give us some hands-on dance lessons – “here, now relax as you lean against me – no, not just your shoulders! no! push your butt back, yeah, like that, now spread  your feet apart – outside mine…….. that’s it, I can feel you from your head down to your toes in one long – now, just relax, let your joints loosen while I move your hips with mine, I’m holding you around your arms so you can concentrate on your hips – now feeeeeel iiiiitttttt, that’s it……… the right, now forward, left and back…….do it again……… more time….oooh good! O.k. relax a sec, but don’t break the connection…… we’re going to move the torso with the hips – really concentrate or it gets messy – hips right……waist left………….both forward………..ooooffff! not back! no, no, you didn’t hurt me, just keep going…..and…..forward……..hips right, waist left, both reach back……no, not jerky………smoooooooooooth..mmmm……keep going………let’s put the shoulders in it now, that’s it……..ha ha ha! collapsing in my arms isn’t part of it, well not till we’re finished the dance lesson anyway………  Princess! would I go commando for a dance lesson?!  I don’t care how it felt – here, check for yourself!”

Who was that little lord GaGa at the party? Quite convincing but masculine hands and chest stubble are hard to camouflage.

Love that Adam either re-uses photo-shoot outfits or uses his personal clothing and accessories – here it’s the glove from the album cover.  I do wonder about the shining armour accessory he’s wearing in the fierce single cover – where might we see that again?  Is it part of an ensemble?

By xena princess warrior on 11/01/2009 10:30 pm


Juneau has no patience with Xena’s oh-teach-me-how-you-do-it tactic to get Adam to lay his ring-festooned hands on her body. What a bald-faced ploy! Xena is a well-documented mistress of the crotch circle. Just give her enough chocolate and an audience!

Juneau grasps the illuminated stripper pole and slides between Adam and Xena. The thin leather straps crisscrossing Juneau’s shoulders catch on the horny steel spikes bristling from Adam’s jacket. Deftly freeing her garment from the spike, Juneau admonishes, “Adam, you can’t teach her to dance like that!! All de-constructed into move your back this way and move your waist that way… you have to make a body feel it, you know, from way down inside.”

Adam grabs Juneau around the waist and pulls her tight against him. “Like this?” Oooh…  he wiggles in closer. “Mmmm, I can feel it, honey, but you’ll have to take out those ridiculous contact lenses,” she cajoles. “I know, baby, you’ve been waiting all year to put them on, but the beady-eyed evil demon look doesn’t do it for me. Trust me, you’ll be such an irresistibly more seductive vampire without ‘em. I want a subtle and elegant bloodsucker, honey.”

A little nuzzle on the cheek to coax him into agreeing. “Let’s go it’s my show, Baby, do what I say,” Juneau commands. Adam smiles, showing off his fangs, and agrees to do as she asks. A lens case pops out of his steel mesh shoulder bag, and out come the contacts, restoring his eye to cerulean pools. “Yes baby, that’s what I’m wantin’ to see,” Juneau croons approvingly. “Oooh, you can be soft and sweet, a fallen angel swept me off ma feet, Well turn up the heat baby, I want your entertainment…”

Just then, the party bus slows to a stop. The front door swings opens and more Halloween revelers come on board. An eye-popping group, dressed in elaborate leather, chains and colorful feather masks and headdresses. “Cassidy darling!” Xena calls out. “C’mon over. The stripper pole awaits!” Cassidy’s lean body covers the distance in moments. He grabs the pole above Juneau’s hand and grasps the pole between his thighs and gyrates to the music. “You ladies are beautiful tonight!” He plants a passionate kiss on Xena’s lips. He twirls, and he has Adam in his embrace. Another spin, and now it’s Juneau’s lips that are pressed hotly to his. Cassidy’s hand glides down and pins her wrist tightly against the pole, eliciting a gasp. “I told ya I’ma hold ya, Down until you’re amazed, Give it to you ’til your screaming my name…” Oh yes baby yes baby!! Is that Adam’s voice, velvet with a hard, dangerous edge?

A powerful male hand locks her other wrist in a vice-like grip – a hand covered with gleaming silver bands, strung together with chains… she can’t move, she’s breathless with fear and desire. “It’s alright you’ll be fine baby, I’m in control, Take the pain take the pleasure, I’m the master of both, Close your eyes not your mind, Let me into your soul, I’ma work ya ’til your totally blown…” Juneau feels the floor slipping away, her body going limp. She is shocked out of her swoon by a sharp slap across the face. “Wake up bitch, this is no time to indulge in one of your infamous swoons.” Xena to the rescue again. “Thanks girlfriend! I needed that.”

The party bus is slowing to another stop. “Gentlemen, this is our hotel,” Xena announces. “Well?” she inquires, raising her chiseled eyebrow. “No escaping when I start,” Adam sings under his breath, as he and Cassidy tail the women off the bus. “Once I’m in I own your heart, There’s no way you ring the alarm, So hold on until it’s over!” The Princess Warrior, supreme mistress of the art of seduction, waves the driver on with a triumphant wave and shepherds her giddy, breathless little band into the hotel’s discretely lit lobby, all rich violet carpeting and blue-lit fountains, promising of exotic delights within.

Juneau writes about neuroscience, physics and whatever else attracts her peripatetic attention. She is co-author with Xena of On the Meaning of Adam Lambert, and co-hostess of this Salon.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. December 23, 2009 11:34 am

    It’s hot in here….. LOL

  2. Shannon permalink
    December 23, 2009 1:30 pm

    Jeeze O Peete, that’s hot! You’re a plucking genius!

  3. October 31, 2010 12:56 pm

    so funny.. and fun. I can see this (my mind is a running video).. it’s so fun……. and yes Xena’s quite the master of that manuever as well as many others..
    It’s the innocence in her eyes.. and the wickedness of her smile

    • October 31, 2010 1:16 pm

      Hey Stevie! Just because I can do crotch circles standing up in a moving boat, holding a cocktail, without falling over, does not mean I have many other tricks up my…………sleeve.

  4. October 31, 2010 1:12 pm

    There’s another part to this crazy story – what happens in the penthouse suite where there is a bigger party raging – but we promised not to write about it. There’s a hot tub involved, a very large one.

  5. buffy522 permalink
    November 1, 2010 12:48 pm

    Ah, the joy of Adam Lambert, truly “unplugged” without our current political diversions. Pure fun, purely sexy and pure Adam! Yummmm!

  6. gale hunter permalink
    November 1, 2010 4:27 pm

    A wonderful story! I don’t know how you girls do it, but your writings are very exciting, witty, imaginative and fun to read. Fantasy is so intriguing, taking you to another world where we have never been before.
    Good read girls. Thank you.
    Gale Hunter

  7. beshakinski permalink
    November 2, 2010 12:06 am

    Girls…your trashy fan fic has me tingling & giggling with delight. I hope you got your stripper heals on girls…can’t wait to hear what you’re going to do with “Fever”

  8. December 2, 2010 3:04 pm

    you don’t often see party buses everyday, i just thought that they are the coolest stuff in town “*;


  1. Adam, you gorgeous devil |

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