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Xena warns Adam critics

Xena sharpens stiletto for would-be critics

In the Glambertina Universe, perception is reality.

Re: Adam’s performance on the AMA show tonight

The Mayans, Minoans, Macedonians, Monocles and Oracles got it wrong, November 22nd 2009 is the day the world as we know it will be changed irrevocably.  As I write, the prescient among us are preparing for this event, sparking a profound upheaval in our collective psyche.  We are testing our audio/video equipment to ensure perfect working order, setting DVRs to record the moment.  Champagne chilling, strawberries selected, chocolate warming and the cream awaits it’s whipping while the Glambertina Universe prepares to be amazed, aroused and left wanting more, more, more……!

To would-be critics, heed this warning.  A certain self-important magazine editor, heard from “10 billion Adam fans” when he got things wrong, do you dare bring this wrath down upon your own head?  Please, do share your analyses, honest opinions, points of view, criticisms, witticisms and anything else, then raise the draw bridge and fill the moat, if you attempt to interpret and inform the members Glambertina Universe that what they perceive is not reality.

Do not even bother to open a file or start to write, if there is a “yes, but” anywhere in your piece.  For instance “as anticipated, Adam’s performance was over-the-top sexy and provocative, glitz and glam to spare, but:

…what will the neighbours think?

…Adam’s fans need a reality check.

…that was a load of self-indulgent clap-trap.

…he did it once, can he do it again?

…we expected more.

…nobody’s perfect, so…

…he should have worn his hair up-down-back-sideways-flipped-curly-straight or not.

…he should leave the girl-touching to hetero guys.

…he was too fem/too butch.

…blue eyeliner? What was he thinking? He should have worn mauve.

We won’t be fooled by gratuitous criticism – you know the type “he’ll get a swelled head if we don’t balance praise with fair, objective, bad-tasting medicine.”  That is simply superstition, so if you believe that straight compliments will open up Adam’s soul to the evil spirits, just exclaim “Mashala” and spit three times – puh, puh, puh and Adam will be completely protected.  My Macedonian Babas taught me so.

What of the aforementioned hapless editor?  He was last seen rolling a boulder up hill, only to see it roll back down – his perpetual Sisyphean punishment for impudence.

We just wanna have fun tonight, inviting Adam to Entertain us, to invite us to dance, to smile so hard it hurts, to feel our libidos overwhelmed and then to hit “replay”.  We are in no mood to think, just to feel – it’s not that deep!

Tonight we will be the Maenads to Adam’s Dionysus.

Xena is sharpening her stiletto in anticipation of an unfair fight.

Xena is a writer, policy analyst and commentator who has an opinion on everything, and co-author with “Juneau” of On the Meaning of Adam Lambert – order at www.adamlambertbook.com

12 Comments leave one →
  1. circe permalink
    November 22, 2009 6:30 pm

    Bravo and nicely said, Warrior Princess!

  2. gail permalink
    November 22, 2009 7:12 pm

    You expressed exactly what I feel. I’ll post this critique of critics to Facebook.

  3. nicky permalink
    November 22, 2009 10:13 pm

    You have got to be kidding me! Right? The dude is talented but he ain’t the 2nd coming. Get a grip people.

    • November 22, 2009 10:31 pm

      Dear Nicky, we and the Glambertina Universe await your review of Adam’s performance tonight!
      With respect,
      Xena

  4. November 22, 2009 11:38 pm

    I am having a great deal of trouble trying to email right now; Adam’s performance was the performance of the night; why the hell did they end that the way that they did??!! I am going to have trouble sleeping all night – I have a bad feeling that Adam is going to get a lot of hell about this! Adam – I love you ; you gave all that you had to give, and you are the best;
    just take it a little easy; don’t go over the top, and I think you should stay away from Lady Gaga; I like her, but I think that nobody is ready for her antics for the moment; but, you,my darling , you are so ready – i toally love you to death and you are the best!!

    XO,
    DeeDee

    • November 23, 2009 5:30 am

      DeeDee – of all people – don’t be skeerrred! Read today’s “Adam has the Devil in his Eyes”
      Love, X

  5. 2t2tag permalink
    November 23, 2009 4:54 pm

    i did what i always do for an adam performance. turn on the tv, turn off the lights, turn the sound waaaaay up, open the door to my balcony, put on my glasses, sit back, then sit up on the edge of my seat, yell, scream, hold my breath, let it out, don’t blink till it’s all over, sink wearily back into the sofa, turn the sound down because now the neighbor’s are yelling at me, and rewind the dvr so i can see it over and over and over again. i’m not hooked, i’m crazed!

  6. Indigo permalink
    December 2, 2009 3:41 pm

    Xena, great read, you had me rolling with laughter. Will put your blog in my favorite.

    • December 2, 2009 5:09 pm

      Thanks Indigo! I really enjoyed writing it too, on behalf of the Adam besotted everywhere! Thanks for joining us here, hope you check out our book, 240 pages of laughter, tears and hot stuff too – all about Adam.

      Please comment – we love the feedback.

      Xena

  7. Renee permalink
    February 6, 2010 12:37 pm

    This is serious stuff ladies. I am appalled by your promotion and plugs to buy this book with no explanation of what this book is even about (there is no description on Amazon AT ALL). That is irresponsible on both of your parts.

    At least have the decency to describe what people are buying so that they can make an informed decision about whether to purchase it or not..

    I realize you want to make a profit your book. Understandable. Defend yourselves if you must to grown women and men. But in good conscience (if you have one) the books description should, at the very least, include a warning that it MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR PEOPLE UNDER 18.

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