Xena warns Adam critics

Xena sharpens stiletto for would-be critics

In the Glambertina Universe, perception is reality.

Re: Adam’s performance on the AMA show tonight

The Mayans, Minoans, Macedonians, Monocles and Oracles got it wrong, November 22^nd 2009 is the day the world as we know it will be changed irrevocably.  As I write, the prescient among us are preparing for this event, sparking a profound upheaval in our collective psyche.  We are testing our audio/video equipment to ensure perfect working order, setting DVRs to record the moment.  Champagne chilling, strawberries selected, chocolate warming and the cream awaits it’s whipping while the Glambertina Universe prepares to be amazed, aroused and left wanting more, more, more……!

To would-be critics, heed this warning.  A certain self-important magazine editor, heard from “10 billion Adam fans” when he got things wrong, do you dare bring this wrath down upon your own head?  Please, do share your analyses, honest opinions, points of view, criticisms, witticisms and anything else, then raise the draw bridge and fill the moat, if you attempt to interpret and inform the members Glambertina Universe that what they perceive is not reality.

Do not even bother to open a file or start to write, if there is a “yes, but” anywhere in your piece.  For instance “as anticipated, Adam’s performance was over-the-top sexy and provocative, glitz and glam to spare, but:

…what will the neighbours think?

…Adam’s fans need a reality check.

…that was a load of self-indulgent clap-trap.

…he did it once, can he do it again?

…we expected more.

…nobody’s perfect, so…

…he should have worn his hair up-down-back-sideways-flipped-curly-straight or not.

…he should leave the girl-touching to hetero guys.

…he was too fem/too butch.

…blue eyeliner? What was he thinking? He should have worn mauve.

We won’t be fooled by gratuitous criticism – you know the type “he’ll get a swelled head if we don’t balance praise with fair, objective, bad-tasting medicine.”  That is simply superstition, so if you believe that straight compliments will open up Adam’s soul to the evil spirits, just exclaim “Mashala” and spit three times – puh, puh, puh and Adam will be completely protected.  My Macedonian Babas taught me so.

What of the aforementioned hapless editor?  He was last seen rolling a boulder up hill, only to see it roll back down – his perpetual Sisyphean punishment for impudence.

We just wanna have fun tonight, inviting Adam to Entertain us, to invite us to dance, to smile so hard it hurts, to feel our libidos overwhelmed and then to hit “replay”.  We are in no mood to think, just to feel – it’s not that deep!

Tonight we will be the Maenads to Adam’s Dionysus.

Xena is sharpening her stiletto in anticipation of an unfair fight.

Xena is a writer, policy analyst and commentator who has an opinion on everything, and co-author with “Juneau” of On the Meaning of Adam Lambert – order at www.adamlambertbook.com