Adam hits the Trifecta! – Bad, Bans and Boycotts
As Madonna Generation calls for Adam Boycott
24 November 2009
“EXCLUSIVE! PTC Calls Adam Lambert AMA Sex Romp “Tasteless” and “Vulgar”! Asks for Ad Boycott!”
Now we have truly reached hyper- hypocrisy. Women who are today thirty-five, were ten when they primped up their hair, stuck a bow in it, pulled on the leggings, the tutu, swiped mom’s blue shadow and the Lolita lipstick to sing “Like a virgin, touched for the very first time”, as they sashayed provocatively before their parents “how adorable”, exactly twenty-five years ago – November 1984. Today, they are the mothers of ten year old daughters. Are they on the PTC? Did they call ABC?
How many people still have Madonna’s wildly successful book “Sex” on their coffee tables? Oh you used to, but when the children came along, you hid it. Understandable.
“The extremely controversial book featured strong adult content and softcore pornographic photographs depicting simulations of sexual acts, which included sadomasochism and (some other acts I’m too modest to mention here, the PTC might read it). Madonna wrote the book as a character named Mistress Dita, inspired by 1930’s film actress Dita Parlo.” Ref. Wikipedia
November 1998, ten year old girls sang “Hit me baby one more time” at the top of their lungs, playing with their Barbie dolls. Baby Pop Diva Britney was eighteen at the time she recorded the song.
It’s 1999 and Christina Aguilera, in the song “Genie in a Bottle” sings to a boy (my assumption) about being a genie and the need to be rubbed if he wants her. Ms. Aguilera was eighteen or nineteen at the time and how old were her fans?
“Oh oh oh oh oh (my body is saying let’s go go)
Oh oh oh oh oh (but my heart is saying no no)
If you wanna be with me
Baby there’s a price to pay
I’m a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
You gotta make a big impression
I gotta like what you do”
Lyrics from Genie in a Bottle
These songs did not fly by in a couple of seconds, they were branded in the minds of these girls, played over and over and over again. But all is forgiven, since these paragons of virtue have settled down, had their own babies who will never be allowed to hear their mothers’ music, and one of them writes children’s stories. Burning crosses are all forgotten.
That was then, this is now
Apparently this parental watchdog group PTC, is concerned with the potential influence of a few seconds of television on the sensibilities of their pre-teens, in-betweens, teens, post-teens and their great-great-grandmothers who kept demanding “rewind it, I missed something. I didn’t see that, show it again! Oh, my isn’t he handsome in that shiny suit – reminds me of….. and then there’s that black hair, those eyes, like Valentino’s! My mother wouldn’t let me go to see his movies – only married women were allowed.”
“No mom”, grandmother weighs in – “he looks like Elvis! Remember? Too hot for TV? The neighbours were mad because you let us watch Ed Sullivan and their daughter was there?”
Portrait of the Artist as an Angry Young Man (AYM)
While I didn’t see it live, I did see a photo of Adam angrily gesturing with his middle finger, not sure if it had a ring on it or not. Since this seemed to be troublesome, I will assume he was expressing himself to the audience who appeared very subdued at the end of his performance, I’m not positive of course, since the TV camera was on Seacrest.
Fortunately, journalists and cameras were standing by to capture and record the AYM back stage. At this point he explained himself, that Devil With Blue Shadow on. With a mere nod, wink and that eye-brow that stops traffic, he distracted the inquisitor and she was drawn to …. his nail polish. A divine metallic pewter with a silky sheen rather than straight gloss, more or less mimicking the finish of his majestic suit. No wonder she forgot the question, who wouldn’t?
How are M&M and Mr. Half Dollar supposed to keep up their reputations as dangerous to the morality of minors and their mothers, if the PTA doesn’t launch an equally vociferous attack on them? It’s not their fault the censors’ trigger fingers were quicker on the sound button, than the director’s on the cameras, essentially emasculating everything the duo tried to sing.
“Forever” came out thus;
“It may not mean nothin to yall,
but understand nothin was done for me,
so I dont plan on stoppin at all,
I want this **** forever mayne (ever mayne, ever mayne)
sellin **** down at the mall,
tellin that girl she’s the one for me,
and I aint even plannin’ to call,
I want this **** forever mayne (ever mayne, ever mayne)”
This is something I would definitely complain about, as a parent of a school aged child still awake to hear this utterly incomprehensible, grammatically disastrous, misspelt prose in what I think, is an English dialect. This really is something about which the English Teachers of America should be up in arms unless of course, they teach this and I am just way out of date. What is “mayne”? I wondered if I should bleep it, so I looked it up. It wasn’t in my Oxford or Webster’s, but they’re not the only word repositories anymore – there’s the Urban Dictionary. Turns out to be a rather innocuous word that means “man”.
“Mayne is a Southern term used the same as sayin ‘man.’ Its in alot of Crunk Songs.
‘Yea mayne’ or ‘What up mayne’”
If you already knew all this, please indulge my digression.
Just how are M&M and his ilk supposed to maintain their lucrative position atop the “Dangerous Angry Young Man” (DAYM) hierarchy, when this poseur comes along, subversively groomed, suited, booted and accessorized. “You’ve got to be f***in’ me – he’s gay! He wears eyeliner – like a h**! You can hear each word, his diction is so perfect and he only grabs his crotch once in a while, not for the entire performance and not a single bleep-worthy lyric! The old DAYMs are at a total loss for words. His pretty face is on the WANTED poster at the f***in’ post office!!
“Gangstas and Prankstas” have lost their power to shock – to perfectly manicured Adam Lambert. What is the world coming to when actual former and potential future criminal, drug and alcohol-related activities don’t count for nothin’ and kissing a guy does? When beating up women is less newsworthy than dragging a female dancer by the leg on a stage during a performance.
About that Prime Time Dancing
Guess no one is watching the Paso Doble on Dancing with the Stars, or some of those fancy Samba and jitterbug moves with girls being flung between their partners’ legs, forward, backward, flipped over, under – call Len! This has got to stop. And that Argentine Tango – sorry the PTC is going to lay down some ground rules for touching, caressing and sliding body parts on each other’s bodies.
Thank goodness the judges have a handle on those lifts – just like Juneau said about figure skaters – crotch-grabbing lifts and blade-scratching “death spirals” are morally reprehensible and degrading to women. Maybe a word about costumes here, or what passes for costumes on DWTS and in figure skating, a strip of cloth with some sequins and how many wardrobe malfunctions were there last year – during prime time!
There was that one costume we will never forget – Mel B’s “Scary Spice” leather or neoprene dominatrix get-up for her landmark Paso Doble performance – hope she got to keep the costume! I think she earned 10s all around.
There is more than a double standard here, standards are no longer universally applied, but narrow-cast like cable TV. Let’s be generous and say that moral standards in popular culture are applied in a haphazard fashion – no conspiracies here!
Everybody gets the same treatment – no one’s hands anywhere near their own or anyone else’s nether regions, no faces planted anywhere on someone else’s body and no kissing of anyone at anytime. That’s how it’s done in the first grade after one of the students throws a spit-ball when the teacher’s back is turned – they all get punished. All costumes must be designed by Janet Jackson’s costume designer – no skin visible at all. And a little more attention to safety please? Steps made of bare-backed men are strictly forbidden.
Now remember – go out there and sizzle people!! Put on a show the people will never forget! Let’s see T & A!
n.b. If every member of the “PTC” complained to ABC about Adam’s performance, their number barely exceeds the number of views for Adam’s got the Devil in His Eyes in this obscure little salon.
In a future essay, we will explore – if not Adam Lambert’s swivelly hips and pouty lips, then who or what does have the most influence over the children?
“LOS ANGELES, Nov 23 (Reuters) – ABC television said on Monday it had received about 1,500 complaints about the sexually-charged performance by “American Idol” runner-up Adam Lambert at the American Music Awards on Sunday….”