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Juneau and Thea’s Excellent Adventure in Hollywood – Part 3

July 13, 2013

By Juneau

What happens in LA…stays in LA


After the show, the AT&T Live Proud winners, now considerably moister and happier, re-boarded the party bus. The boys’ hair was drooping from all the bouncing and sweating they had done. Several of us hatched a plan to go out to the Metropolitan Club, where “the Heathers” from RuPaul’s Drag Race were performing tonight. Sutan would be there!

We piled into Trevor and Brennan’s rental car and piloted our way into the heart of West Hollywood. Trevor dropped us off at the club’s entrance and went to find a parking spot. I ventured inside, promptly losing the rest of our group, walked through the bar into the dance hall and immediately encountered a feathered colossus. I looked up the seven-foot-plus height of this individual and to my shock, recognized Raja!!! I had no inkling that she would be so vertically advantaged. Granted, she was wearing 10-inch platforms, but in photos Raja appears so elegant and delicate that I imagined she would be around 5’8″.

I should have recalled that drag queens tend to be larger than life. Not only do they possess the larger male physique, but they pile on exaggerated hair, boobs and butts, and costumes to fill the space around them. IMG_0051Their raison d’etre is to make an impression, wading like goddesses through the ocean of ordinary mortals packing the dance floor. I recognized the names from Drag Race – Manila Luzon, Delta Work and Carmen Carrera. Carmen, a statuesque Aphrodite, the creation of modern surgery, hormonal manipulations and super-adhesives, strutted her magnificent and impossible body down the catwalk to the crowd’s enthusiastic approval. The phenomenon of transexuals in gay clubs has always intrigued me. Do gay men find them attractive? A great many of the fans who lined up for meet and greets afterwards were women of various ages. What is that all about? I will have to ask Ogi Ogas!

Following the drag show, the catwalk was overtaken by muscular men garbed in undergarments with creative cut-outs, skilled in the art of jiggling various parts of the anatomy at supersonic frequencies. One young man wore a loincloth that appeared to have been retrieved from the janitor’s stash of floor rags. These fellows were too hypermasculine for me, with their gnarly biceps and bristles. (Speaking of bristles, I took an informal survey of the young gays among the Live Proud winners and learned that they approved of Adam’s facial hair. “He looks so much better!” gushed one. So there you have it, ladies.)

WestHollywoodNightsThe force of gravity must have been stronger than normal in the club, because the scraps of fabric on these gyrating gentlemen (and the bartenders, similarly garbed) were drooping dangerously towards the core of the earth, threatening to expose all. This sight sent Trevor and Brennan into paroxysms of mortification. Trevor exclaimed “Oh my god! Oh my god! There’s nothing like this in Denver!” Young Brennan kept covering his eyes with his hand. I started to wonder if I had inadvertently taken on the role of a wicked Svengalina corrupting the youth. “Have you ever been in a place like this?” Trevor wanted to know. Um, The Donkey Show? I decided not to tell him about the sex club in Paris.

Eventually, however, the lads recovered some of their composure. Trevor became bold enough to attempt to thrust a rolled up dollar bill into the thong of one of the dancing men. By then, it was close to 2AM, and time for those of us with early morning flights to think about repairing to the W.

We staggered out of the Metropolitan just as disheveled, spent throngs poured out of all the WeHo clubs. Following Trevor, we traipsed down Santa Monica Boulevard for about 20 minutes, until it became apparent that Trevor had no idea where he had parked the car. Brennan rolled his eyes. Seems he found this not entirely unexpected. Out came an iPhone and we retraced our steps and circled Kings Road Park. After 20 minutes, we found ourselves back on the same corner as before. The iPhone was consulted once more, and we headed towards Melrose Avenue. About an hour later, foot-sore, we stopped at a corner to consider our options. A friendly couple offered to get their car and drive us around and help look for the car.

At this juncture, I and the nice hetero couple from Palm Springs who had tagged along decided we needed to hail a taxi and speed back to the W Hotel so we could catch a few winks before getting up at the crack of dawn. Trevor had vanished around a corner, the helpful couple had gone to get their car, and with considerable guilt and trepidation, we left luminous Brennan by himself on the streets of WeHo at 3AM. (Later Brennan texted me that they had found the car and made it back to the hotel at 5AM. Phew!)

What is the meaning of Adam Lambert?

What is the meaning of Adam Lambert?

So, at night’s end, what lessons were learned? What wisdom gained? That I still love gay clubs after all these decades? That things are different in Denver? That perhaps it wasn’t the smartest idea to entrust travel logistics to two impressionable young men who were even more lost than I was? That unless I have a month on an island with Adam, I will never, ever have time to say everything I want to say to him? What is the Meaning of Adam Lambert?

As I sat drowsily in the back of the limo speeding towards LAX, dawn spreading her rosy fingers over the Los Angeles skyline, I thought, Adam is like a desert mirage, a shimmering gleam on the horizon of my imagination. He offers a vision of an oasis that we may never reach, or if we are lucky enough to approach for a moment, leaves us thirstier than ever. But quenching that thirst is not the point. It’s about awakening, about the excitement of the hunt, and the feeling of being acutely, achingly alive.

What makes the engine go? Desire, desire, desire.


Previously: Part 1, Part 2

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Glamluvhns permalink
    July 14, 2013 12:43 am

    OMG!!! J what an ending to a magnificent day. U tell it so well. Ur words make me feel like I was there with u through the early morning hours. My feet began to slightly throb as I read about the “foot sore” walk. I love the pics. Thank you for such a ride. XOXOXOXO

  2. July 14, 2013 7:54 am

    Wow!! What a fabulous finish! What a beautiful ending. Adam is like a mirage. How perfect is that?? One thing I have noticed about every Glambert experience is the aftermath. Longing and withdrawal symptoms remain even with the satiation of the high. But you gave the absolute perfect reason why I fell in love with and continue to follow Adam Lambert–“the feeling of being achingly and acutely alive.” Tears. Thank you, Juneau! Absolutely beautiful writing!!!

  3. rosemary permalink
    July 14, 2013 3:30 pm

    What a SCRUMPTIOUS last paragraph in your story, J. Your writing has such delicious detail as in the club descriptions but, ultimately, it’s the poetry that takes over. In your ending, you’ve captured what it’s like to be driven by desire.

  4. el Kat permalink
    July 15, 2013 10:46 am

    Well, well, well, sister, once again you have not failed to put into the most elloquent words an experience that would have left the rest of us speechless! I would follow you, as I have twice before, into any club, gay or not, to dance the night away and have you explain the experience to my need brain !
    I only wish I could be a fly on the wall to listen to Brennan and Trevor tell their friends about the fierce woman they met who led them into the LA gay underbelly. You are a legend in Denver for sure!!!
    Adam? I think we all need to come to terms with the fact that our “personal” Adam will forever stay a figment of our dreams and desires and leave it at that. And maybe that is as it should be. A personal meeting just confirms his physical presence but the real “meaning of Adam Lambert” will forever remain an enigma and a chimera. That could even be a richer option.
    The statement that jumped out at me most was the comment about Melvin. It confirms to me that this is a deliberate move to solidify his base in the gay community. It is a good move.

    Thank you for your story, you took me on another wild ride !!!

  5. July 21, 2013 12:54 am

    Loved your excellent adventure.

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