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Adam Lambert’s Idol Feast – Black or White

May 6, 2012

“Because he is a pumpkin pie of a person” — Quotes about Adam from TWOP’s “Jacob”. Reposted by Gypsy Scribbles, These are so vivid and entertaining, they just called out to be combined with the performance videos for a multimedia journey back down this beloved memory lane.

Apologies for the poor quality; HD versions seem to be unavailable online.

And now he will be singing “Black Or White.” My theory is that he will do it in some fucked-up way and I will go apeshit because that’s what I like, but then I can’t imagine this song without that signature guitar riff, which pretty much defines the song. I do know that I’m not deleting this off my TiVo when I turn in this recap, like I usually do, because at least three people have been asking me without any irony, on a weekly basis, when “that guy is going to be on that show” again. Which means the rockband hipsters and violinists of east Austin, at least, are on Adam’s side.

Okay, I’ve been searching my soul tonight, and it’s like this. Adam Lambert is not attractive to me in an actual way. Like, as a normal person he seems awesome, but onstage I get that same ooky feeling as Freddie Mercury, or looking at David Bowie’s balls in Labyrinth. And I remember that lots of people thought he was attractive in that movie, and I think maybe this was in the same way as Adam Lambert, and either way I don’t really get it. But the best way to say it, and I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more than anything to see them kiss each other.

You know the feeling? Not explicitly sexual, just this extreme sense of intrigue and fascination. And it’s not good or bad, this feeling, but sort of dangerous and simultaneously waaaaay over there where it can’t touch me or implicate me in any way. I don’t know what the young, straight male equivalent is, although I posit that it might also be Adam Lambert.

See? Words, again, fail to properly and entirely express what Adam Lambert is like. We are struggling here with the limitations of the genre. I will say that there is catwalking, and just enough emphasis on the romantic parts of the lyrics that you realize the whole song is less a protest against monochrome colors like I always thought, and more about interracial dating as an expression of something or another. There are some explosions or something, and everybody in the audience goes insane the whole time, and all the lights are black and white. (Which ones? Doesn’t matter.) And there’s a part that is sort of like the apocalypse.

Paula keeps telling the contestants to “take it all in,” and for once the crowd is so fucking out of their minds that it seems like a good thing to say. “Never in the history,” Paula says of this show, have we seen anybody so comfortable onstage and performing. “Your innate ability to know who you are as an artist, and marry fashion with music,” she says. They’re both crying pretty hard at this point. I can’t imagine what it is like in that audience right now. Something between Oprah and right before an electrical storm. I think I would love to be there, because insane crowds really do it for me, but I also think afterwards I would sleep for a week, grouchily. I’m getting tired just watching these people gnawing on their own arms and pulling out their hair like this.

And then Simon drives them even fucking crazier by pointing out that Adam is in an entire different league from the whole other 12, which makes him and Paula cry even more. Dude, if Adam Lambert won this show I would buy the world a Coke. The judges continue to freak out on him and tell him he could break the charts if he made a record today, and nobody can even fucking handle it, and Kara’s like “you invented entire notes” and “I hope Michael Jackson is watching tonight.”

Right before Adam actually combusts, Ryan runs in and does the Ryan thing that he does, which is stand back and stare him in the eyes so he doesn’t crumble onto the stage with how intense everything just got, and Adam immediately calms down. Ryan holds one hand on the small of his back and gives the numbers, and Adam chills out just long enough to get the hell off the stage.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. May 6, 2012 8:14 pm

    LOl 3/4’s of a bottle of wine and that story! You had me at Adam! And listing 2 new bonus Snippet’s great story 2 nite! 🙂

  2. May 6, 2012 10:30 pm

    “You know the feeling? Not explicitly sexual, just this extreme sense of intrigue and fascination. And it’s not good or bad, this feeling, but sort of dangerous and simultaneously waaaaay over there where it can’t touch me or implicate me in any way. I don’t know what the young, straight male equivalent is, although I posit that it might also be Adam Lambert.”

    I love this ! And what I love is that there were people watching who were going through the same kinds of emotions that I was – “What is it about Adam lambert ???” Words cannot express, but we keep on trying … essays, books, blogs, he’s like Marilyn Monroe. Men AND women were fascinated by her, and still are 50 years later, as I am reading the cover story about her in Vanity Fair where they are showing the “lost” nudes. Oh wait, I will try to live another 50 years if there is any chance we will find the “lost” nudes of Adam Lambert .. I’ll only be 115 .. I better go out and get that juicer and a whole lot of kale 😉

    This is also the show where he tears up ( and where I fell in love). He had just been informed that the Burning Man drag photos were circulating online and he thought for sure that he was finished on AI, but the audience response, Pauls’s gushing, and Simon’s unusually good comments let him know that he had a chance. It was an unguarded moment of relief that showed me his character and vulnerability and I became a fan for life.

    …lovin’ these !!!

  3. becca112971 permalink
    May 7, 2012 7:07 am

    best way to start my day and i agree with what el Kat is saying

  4. Angel permalink
    May 7, 2012 4:52 pm

    I will never forget that mind boggling performance of Black or White. I stood up for I cannot watch it sitting down, my hands over my open mouth in awe and holding my breath and finally jumped as he finished and kept saying OMG! OMG! OMG! I had palpitations as I fast paced back and forth afterwards, simply incredulous. I was alone at that time and could not share my overflowing excitement! And I remember watching that performance online 24/7 (when not asleep) repeatedly still in awe and cannot get over it for months and months, well, all his performances, for that matter. It’s only now I learned about what el Kat mentioned with the timing of what’s circulating online and that he was already informed at this point in time. I saw him tearing up at the judges’ comments and felt his humility why I will always love ADAM.

  5. Wendy Jackson permalink
    May 26, 2012 11:23 pm

    I have never seen one American Idol show go for 60 minutes without witnessing Ryan make a fool out of himself. He was so bothered that he had to keep leaning his head back just to talk to Adam. Adam is class. Ryan Seacrest can really act like a moron.

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