Adam Lambert’s Idol Feast – Black or White
“Because he is a pumpkin pie of a person” — Quotes about Adam from TWOP’s “Jacob”. Reposted by Gypsy Scribbles, These are so vivid and entertaining, they just called out to be combined with the performance videos for a multimedia journey back down this beloved memory lane.
Apologies for the poor quality; HD versions seem to be unavailable online.
And now he will be singing “Black Or White.” My theory is that he will do it in some fucked-up way and I will go apeshit because that’s what I like, but then I can’t imagine this song without that signature guitar riff, which pretty much defines the song. I do know that I’m not deleting this off my TiVo when I turn in this recap, like I usually do, because at least three people have been asking me without any irony, on a weekly basis, when “that guy is going to be on that show” again. Which means the rockband hipsters and violinists of east Austin, at least, are on Adam’s side.
Okay, I’ve been searching my soul tonight, and it’s like this. Adam Lambert is not attractive to me in an actual way. Like, as a normal person he seems awesome, but onstage I get that same ooky feeling as Freddie Mercury, or looking at David Bowie’s balls in Labyrinth. And I remember that lots of people thought he was attractive in that movie, and I think maybe this was in the same way as Adam Lambert, and either way I don’t really get it. But the best way to say it, and I think you will know what I mean when I say this, is that Adam Lambert makes me feel like a young girl who has just discovered gay boys, and wants more than anything to see them kiss each other.
You know the feeling? Not explicitly sexual, just this extreme sense of intrigue and fascination. And it’s not good or bad, this feeling, but sort of dangerous and simultaneously waaaaay over there where it can’t touch me or implicate me in any way. I don’t know what the young, straight male equivalent is, although I posit that it might also be Adam Lambert.
See? Words, again, fail to properly and entirely express what Adam Lambert is like. We are struggling here with the limitations of the genre. I will say that there is catwalking, and just enough emphasis on the romantic parts of the lyrics that you realize the whole song is less a protest against monochrome colors like I always thought, and more about interracial dating as an expression of something or another. There are some explosions or something, and everybody in the audience goes insane the whole time, and all the lights are black and white. (Which ones? Doesn’t matter.) And there’s a part that is sort of like the apocalypse.
Paula keeps telling the contestants to “take it all in,” and for once the crowd is so fucking out of their minds that it seems like a good thing to say. “Never in the history,” Paula says of this show, have we seen anybody so comfortable onstage and performing. “Your innate ability to know who you are as an artist, and marry fashion with music,” she says. They’re both crying pretty hard at this point. I can’t imagine what it is like in that audience right now. Something between Oprah and right before an electrical storm. I think I would love to be there, because insane crowds really do it for me, but I also think afterwards I would sleep for a week, grouchily. I’m getting tired just watching these people gnawing on their own arms and pulling out their hair like this.
And then Simon drives them even fucking crazier by pointing out that Adam is in an entire different league from the whole other 12, which makes him and Paula cry even more. Dude, if Adam Lambert won this show I would buy the world a Coke. The judges continue to freak out on him and tell him he could break the charts if he made a record today, and nobody can even fucking handle it, and Kara’s like “you invented entire notes” and “I hope Michael Jackson is watching tonight.”
Right before Adam actually combusts, Ryan runs in and does the Ryan thing that he does, which is stand back and stare him in the eyes so he doesn’t crumble onto the stage with how intense everything just got, and Adam immediately calms down. Ryan holds one hand on the small of his back and gives the numbers, and Adam chills out just long enough to get the hell off the stage.