Rock Icon Finishing School (RIFS) – Health II – Oral Hygiene
Excerpted from our book On the Meaning of Adam Lambert
Health II – Oral Hygiene (Prof. Glorious Beth). In this course, the mouth receives the respect and affection that is its due. We will appreciate the paradox of the lips, sculpted like marble yet yieldingly soft as a breast. We will master the delicate art of parting those lips with fingers, gently and firmly, coaxing them wider apart until we have an unobstructed view of those admirable incisors, cuspids, bi- and otherwise, and molars, forming strong arches to frame that acrobatic muscle, the tongue. We will learn the importance of the salivary glands, conduct a vocal cord health check, test for control of the gag reflex, and learn the correct technique for palpating the Adam’s apple. Extra credit for evening seminars devoted to candlelit bouts of oral poetry, including “I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair” (Pablo Neruda), “My mouth hovers across your breasts in the short grey winter afternoon in this bed we are delicate and touch so hot with joy we amaze ourselves to…” (Adrienne Rich), and “I have a fire for you in my mouth, but I have a hundred seals on my tongue” (Rumi).
Dr. Glorious Beth A., AKA the blonde bombshell, brings 25 years of experience in the field of oral health and dentistry to her professorship. Due to her extraordinary skills, compassion and success she has been able to limit her practice to the treatment of young adults with perfect smiles who were raised by dental hygienists and/or dentists. Occasional rants with the Universe have brought forth happiness, a world class Rock Star/Sex God and a supportive sistergood. Her love of Calculus and especially “no limits” have earned her associate status in the Calculus course taught in conjunction with Prof. Christine Lambert. This pairing assures very powerful three-ways with an appropriate student. Sexy is sexy and so is Math!! She volunteers her time in the area of crisis and grief counseling and is well versed in helping to navigate the pitfalls of sudden fame and wealth. Glorious Beth holds no grudges even when accused of being an imposter or of not sharing the Rock God.