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Rock Icon Finishing School (RIFS) – Intro

October 1, 2010

by Juneau and Xena

Just over one year ago, during the first summer of Adam Love, we embarked on another one of our now-infamous fantasies. This one revolved around creating an elite academy where we would impart our wisdom and savoir vivre to our eager student Adam. We devised a curriculum celebrating the skills and knowledge of our amazing community on wowowow, tailored to the needs of a rock star on a world tour. It seems fitting to mark Adam’s Glam Nation World Tour by sharing the fruits of our fantasy, here in the original version complete with illustrations. We will be posting the RIFS brochure in its entirety over the coming weeks. Comments, critiques and suggestions welcome!!


Rock Icon Finishing School (RIFS) Brochure
(from the book On the Meaning of Adam Lambert, copyright 2009)

Founded in 2009 by a concerned community of scholars, the RIFS provides a unique post-graduate education for individuals who have had to sacrifice formal schooling in order to develop their preternatural talents and meteoric careers. Previous experiences of getting no satisfaction will be redressed by our distinguished faculty, noted for its depth and breadth of learning, instructional skills, talent, enthusiasm, attractiveness, confidence and hedonism. A RIFS education will blow open your world and, as a secondary benefit, prepare you to impress the world leaders, business tycoons and Nobel laureates that you will soon be mingling with at places like Davos and the TED Conference. We accept applicants who demonstrate high intelligence, curiosity, talent and a desire to be sent back for schoolin’.

Our Campus – Paradise and the World
RIFS is headquartered on the breathtaking, secluded north coast of New Zealand. Our facilities are equipped with luxurious guest rooms, a world-class spa, state-of-the-art recording studio, healthful and delicious meals, and a championship golf course. Maximum privacy and security guaranteed. While our campus provides a restful refuge, our curriculum is highly portable. The faculty is available to travel and help students complete their coursework in tandem with a world concert tour.

Academic Course Offerings

A bumper oval goes to the first person to correctly identify this tower

Architecture (Prof. X. P. Warrior). A comprehensive survey of world architecture, including ancient Egyptian, Greek and Roman, medieval to modern European, Indian, southeast Asian, east Asian, and concluding with contemporary masterpieces of Latin American, Oceania and Japan. The unifying theme of this survey will be the Tower: its practical and symbolic significance through the ages. You must commit to extensive field investigation and dramatic impersonations of architectural landmarks.

Next: Art History

10 Comments leave one →
  1. October 1, 2010 8:55 am

    Ohh that sounds amazing.. hmm how does one apply to become part of the faculty? Maybe a seminar leader perhaps.. I know people in NZ!!

  2. Sherri permalink
    October 1, 2010 9:01 am

    the Bok Singing Tower in Lake Wales, Fl

  3. Northern Spirit permalink
    October 1, 2010 9:20 am

    J and X,

    This is bringing back a lot of fun memories. Thanks for posting and telling the world about our great RIF. Can’t wait for tomorrow’s installment.

    XOX, NS

  4. Doris permalink
    October 1, 2010 9:23 am

    The photo looks like the Pilgrim Monument in Provincetown, MA. Am I right?


  5. Cyndy permalink
    October 1, 2010 9:36 am

    Is that the Pilgrim monument tower in Providence?

  6. Cyndy permalink
    October 1, 2010 9:40 am

    OOPS!!! I meant Provincetown, Cape Cod I always mix up those two names.

  7. susie permalink
    October 1, 2010 10:24 pm

    could it be the sky tower, Aukland, NZ?

  8. Anne Hedonia permalink
    December 10, 2010 1:28 pm

    Just noodling ’round mongst the archives – experiencing no dustiness a’tall! No matter how many times I read and re-read excerpts from The Book, I’m rewarded with laughs, smiles and an appreciation of your humor & intellect. Merci mille fois for that!

    (Speaking of towers – and this will show my vintage, but- whatever): I recall people being up in arms because of Judy Chicago’s ‘Dinner Party’ which featured plates bearing what was perceived to be ummm, highly stylized female anatomical ‘portraits’. At the time, I remember thinking there was a double standard at work. No one seemed offended by the Sears Tower (now renamed, I believe…)

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