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21st Century Toy

August 26, 2010

by Juneau, co-author of the book On the Meaning of Adam Lambert

This past week of Glam Caravanning has been the longest the Princess Warrior and I have ever spent in each other’s company. Apart from brief get-togethers in New York City and Foxwoods, the two of us largely hatch our schemes by phone and email.

We do enough damage as it is, and now it’s clear that getting together for almost a whole week generates enough fusion energy to propel us to Planet Ridiculous. Our readers who have come along for the mad ride have suggested that Adam’s people should be breaking down our door for advice and marketing genius. Barricading that door with retired mic stands would be more like it.

Placebo in Velvet Goldmine

Take this latest mutant to hatch full-fledged out of Juneau & Xena’s Vulcan mindmeld. Xena was complaining that she couldn’t get Adam’s new encore song “20th Century Boy” out of her head, especially because it is the soundtrack to the TongueDiving we witnessed in Providence (was there ever a more aptly named city?) – an image forever branded into our retinas. Juneau thought Adam’s song choice charmingly retro – “so 20th century” – and blurted something about Adam as a 21st century toy.

Too late, found on eBay!

Instantly, images welled up from our subconscious – a new doll, the androgynous love child of Barbie and G.I. Joe, equipped with a stupendous wardrobe: every outfit from Glam Nation, American Idol, red-carpet event and pap sighting. An entire doll-sized walk-in closet overflowing with jewelry. Another just for the boots. A lavender trunk brimming with make-up, hair product, body glitter and rhinestones. A custom Jaguar coupe in midnight blue. A companion doll – Brad, Xena’s servant on loan to curate the jewelry collection, keep house and cook, with his own glam wardrobe. (The purple harem pants! The spandex shorts! The ostrich feather duster!)*

Hours of fun for girls and boys of all ages, changing up Adam-doll’s makeup, hair and outfits. How about an iPod plug-in version that vibrates to the music? The mind reels. Mattel, are you paying attention?!!

Then again, as seems to be the inevitable end-stage fate of all Barbies, Kens and G.I. Joes past, our 21st Century Toy may simply decide to cast off all that materialistic excess in favor of going back to a state of Nature:

CD Store Display, Provincetown, MA by Juneau

*Reference: On the Meaning of Adam Lambert, Bad Boys Garage 2009

9 Comments leave one →
  1. Lyn permalink
    August 26, 2010 11:35 pm

    I want that damned doll!

    • Dorothy permalink
      August 27, 2010 9:22 am

      I want that doll too 🙂

  2. talex42 permalink
    August 27, 2010 12:08 am

    OMG, we already spend 95% of our waking lives on all things Adam, can you imagine if we had a glam doll to play with and dress, and play with……??

  3. Toni Meurlot permalink
    August 27, 2010 2:58 am

    ROTFFLMAO! I almost died laughing! What on earth did you do to make that “store display”? Have you seen Prince Poppycock on AGT yet? Check him out on You Tube. He’s fabulous!

    The guy’s a super star and another pretty boy! Is it ok for PP to take Brad’s place as the curator? Watch the whole video..Piers compares him to Freddie Mercury. He’s as down to earth as Adam in his real persona, but as PP he rocks! I would definitely fly to Las Vegas to see this guy perform..can’t imagine anyone else winning this season’s AGT. Over 90,000 hits on the You Tube video and it was just 2 days ago! Wonder if Adam’s seen him yet. Adam and PP..what a pair they would make!

    • August 27, 2010 7:06 am

      A Prince Poppycock doll to be Adam-doll’s friend – perfect!! I didn’t make that store display. It is an actual display I saw while window shopping on Commercial St. in Provincetown. Reality always trumps the imagination! – J

  4. August 27, 2010 8:20 am

    Where is that doll and I want one!!! – except life – sized and anatomically correct in all the right strategic places, along with that fantastic wardrobe along with all the accoutrements. OMG, let my imagination run wild – the things I could do with a life – sized doll of Adam!! Perhaps I would needan extra to replace the first one when I was through with it!! This is all just too much fun!!

  5. annehedonia permalink
    August 27, 2010 10:08 am

    My first question: Who is Lucy and who is Ethel? I can see about equal aspects of both in each of you. Only the best of each, naturally!

    “Hours of fun for girls and boys of all ages,” indeed…

    Not to say that great minds travel in the same station wagons, but this (above) was my first avatar on my first Adam fan site – a proto-andrygynous-glam doll (yes, it’s frightening, I know). It was taking me forever to post an avi – because I was a techno-zero and couldn’t figure out how, and the “what will she do?” chatter was going on.(people need to get a life, I know!) So I posted this as a “punk” and then promptly replaced it with something more appealing.

    Hummm… I think that Barbie, Ken and their ilk are often kind of sex ed toys for “girls & boys of all ages” (esp. girls) – at least they were for (ignorant) me at 8 years of age. My construct for Barbie & Ken intimacy was to have them repair to a private place and switch heads. The little factory-made posts that held them were the same size and the heads conveniently popped on and off. TMI.

    You’ve gone the extra step (as always) in proposing a Brad doll as a “best friend” – YAY! 😉 Love the accessories!

  6. August 28, 2010 7:48 pm

    think about the accessories, the car, the house, the furnishings, the different hair cuts.. so you would have different dolls, the tattoos, the min book,

    I just contacted someone I know with significant toy experience.

  7. Sue permalink
    August 28, 2010 10:43 pm

    I also have an Adam boy-toy doll purchased on ebay!! I’ve had him for months (since Jan 2010) and he actually traveled with me on the New England Glam Nation Tour trip!!!! My Adam doll is a “Crawl thru Fire” look-alike, complete with tall hair, nipple cups and chest glitter! Yes, I sleep with him!

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