This is dedicated to our great Glambertina girlfriend from wowowow.com. Glorious Gloria is Mistress of all Adam Lambert references, whose very popular blog adamquotedaily.com keeps everyone in the Glamily informed 24/7. What you may not know is that Glorious Gloria provided all the timeline information and “bon mots” appearing in our book. Gloria is the spiritual leader of the Sisterhood. What’s a chakra again?
Excerpt from Chapter 2
Report on Landmark Meeting
Gloria, Xena and Priscilla
Originally posted on wowowow.com July 26, 2009
Damn! Gloria beat me! O.K., so I arrive at the mansion in which our mutual friend resides and when she saw my van drive up, she looked out the window – I later discovered that Gloria had been warned by her savvy daughter that I just might be a sixty-five year old man. Voilà – I’m not. I wondered why she looked relieved when I walked-in. Glorious Gloria is the Blonde Bombshell I had envisioned and resplendent in her Adamesque outfit – zipper from top to bottom – great for easy access, tons of metal and flattering to her already great figure. Now I know that when she’s around, I won’t be getting any of the male attention – I hate that. Each of us wore black patent leather strappy sandals and I was in a black and white sundress. Having had to do battle with M-I-L before I arrived, this princess warrior was ready to settle down for an afternoon that felt like we were playing hooky from school, well I can only imagine how that feels, since I never did it.
First – the refreshments – Pomegranate Martinis, which must be a secret recipe since we were not allowed to watch as she prepared them – and what will now be referred to as the “Fruits avec Chocolat Chaud sur Crème Frappé Adam” dessert or breakfast in bed or midnight snack if your nocturnal activities give you an appetite. Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and pineapple dipped in luscious warm chocolate and then topped with whipped cream.
Gloria arranged the perfect Adam accompaniment as we lounged on the floor, watching her rather complete collection of videos – and here is the amazing thing – she has everything memorized! A veritable bibliothèque in her brain, she is definitely our go-to on a number of details. She knows everything each judge said to Adam after his performance! She quotes Adam before he speaks. Gloria will be preparing “Favourite Quotes from Adam” for us à la “I’m not skerrrrred”.
The other guest, brand new Glambertina is known as Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, has a great sense of humour. Now I will fast forward to when the seminar completely fell apart and I am laughing with tears just recalling it – I think Cilla started it, anyway, I will blame her, since she’s not here yet and don’t tell her what I said.
As we were getting near the end of watching all of Adam’s AI performances on a massive TV and we had drained our martinis, Gloria played “Slow Ride”. Having watched this so many times, my mind wandered and I started to look for things only visible on this huge screen and there it was- there’s no zipper on Adam’s laminated-to-his-body pants.
We rewind, we pause, we do it again and maybe once more, and we’re quite certain about this. Now we do need verification, a peer review, because of our alcohol level at the time, so please, every one of you must play this video as many times as you need, to say “yes” or “no” to the zipper. Another option would be to take one of the photos of Adam with Alison at the end of the song, blow-up the targeted area, perhaps get a magnifying glass and tell us what you see.
Of course, at the time, engrossed in our analysis of Adam’s various garments, we wondered what might he wear under stretchy pants or trousers. Can’t be boxers, briefs would have obvious VPL and we see that he’s not “commando”. We concluded that it must be some type of thong, probably custom made. The style of pant also shows up on “Crawl through Fire” and “Crazy” in a lighter-weight fabric, also a source of research. Do you wish you were there? We wished you were there.
We did get some serious analysis in, on Freudian theory and how it might apply to our reaction and subsequent elevated moods and feeling of self-worth, following repeated exposure to Adam. We have been told that men think about sex every 10 seconds? I forget exactly. Also, that they need fewer senses stimulated for arousal than women do.
We think it’s possible that Adam has changed all that for women. We only need one sense at a time — either sight or hearing to become, shall we say – inspired, fueled, fired-up. Watching him and listening to him at the same time, simply reduces the time from exposure to “full speed ahead”. Frankly, we don’t want to be in the room when they do the “three senses” test – it could be “touch” or “smell”, one of our favorites. We would end up sounding like Kara after RoF or Feeling Good.
Now, we are drinking coffee… From Freud, we moved on to the subject of endocrinology – now who among us would have thought that “endocrinology” would show up here. Well, I have been waiting days for an opportunity, so I threw it out there today. The discussion of senses led us to talking about the importance of the level of testosterone in women’s bodies, in order to reach that “multi-sensual” state.
How can Adam, using only our sight and hearing get our pituitary glands to produce this extra testosterone? Do we have any endocrinologists out there who could take a stab at this? I would ask my own, but I’m afraid that I would embarrass her and she would drop me as a patient.
If any of you wishes to challenge my version of events, please feel free to contact Gloria for corroboration.
About the French – ever since I heard Adam use “accoutrements” — French words keeping popping up in my mind.
By xena princess warrior on 06/26/2009 1:35 am
Six hours!? Felt like sixty minutes. Maybe we need a pyjama party.
I meant to include Gloria’s illuminating demonstration of Adam-inspired Chakra vibrations, which brought a fourth dimension to the Adam experience, not to mention the smell. Gloria led us through an exercise to help us really feel those vibes and we did/do.
I told DH and our Daughter who has been in on it all along, about our support group, how it evolved, and my furtive, late night writing. He’s aware of this since I moved my computer into the bedroom and he’s used to my periods of obsessive writing. I explained how I had found this amazing group of brilliant and sensitive women to talk to and how helpful and supportive all of you are to me.
He simply listened as he ate dinner and smiled with a bemused look on his face. He must have had an inkling that something was going on, since I have been happy, more affectionate and demonstrative, patient and accommodating. Laughing more. No complaints from him whatsoever. When we are alone again – I will tell him more.
By xena princess warrior on 06/26/2009 10:21 am
Gloria very generously included us in her story “I Have Revealed All…” on adamquotedaily.com. Thank you Gloria, the rapid rise in popularity of your blog is a testament to your dedication to our Muse Adam and your own chutzpah!