by Juneau and Xena
BadBoys Garage Publishers, 2009
I feel a tremendous sense of identification with Adam. Through him, I am reliving my own youth, and at the same time shining a light on my life now, wondering what I may have let go along the way.
Beth was the ultimate for me, with his twinkling eyes (rhinestones!) and eyebrow twitch. Totally beautiful. Totally camp. I think it’s the tension between gorgeousness and outrageousness that is causing my insides to churn so delightfully.
I’m sure I’m projecting from my own youthful experiences hanging out in gay clubs, but for many of my friends, beneath the flamboyance, fun and FY attitude, there was a lot of loneliness and pain. I hear that pain in Adam’s voice. This man stretches my emotions in ways that bemuse and astonish me.
…he has stripped himself bare for you and revealed much more about himself than anyone else ever has, with candor, honesty, humour and devoid of guile. He is a blessing and a curse, since those very experiences that might make some cringe, have contributed to making him the almost ethereal creature he is now.
He’s soft and powerful at the same time. And then he soars way beyond the boundaries of the average. He takes you on a ride to places you never thought or dared to go. Then there are his song choices. He has taken iconic songs from our youth, and then amazingly made them even better…So what does this do? It yanks us out of our nostalgia for our youth and says, look, this is happening NOW. It’s not all over. Amazing things are still to come!!
“This Indian stuff is awesome,” Adam says. “Do you want to dance?” “Totally,” I breathe, as visions of Ring of Fire spiral through my mind. Adam grabs my hand and pulls me up to my feet. Even with my four-inch heels, he towers over me. As he stands, I see he is wearing a beautifully tailored gray satin Alexander McQueen jacket with an ACDC T-shirt under it and tight black jeans…
His honesty is so naked we want to wrap him in soft velvet and silk to protect him from the dangers of being so candid. It seems that he not only survives, but thrives on the invasive questions, the gossip and the innuendo, making it work for him. We hope so anyway, because some of us have nurturing instincts so powerful, we just can’t turn off our protective mechanism and will worry about him.
No Xena don’t settle down, that’s exactly what you can’t do! We all depend upon it. And I for one will join you on this quest. This is a quest into ourselves. Adam is just a person, C.B., but wow what is “just a person” – if you have the eyes to see, then they are infinite mystery, and broken shard of the divine. And some of them are channeling it so strong like waterfalls. What I am exploring as I read Xena’s words is my own love energy, my own freedom, the deep core in me.
The plangent keyboard opening of “Feelin’ Good” comes on. I settle into the groove of Adam’s angel voice and ride along, barely feeling the blood dripping down my leg and the pressure being applied to stop it…I soar as Adam’s voice climbs. I’m in awe of how he shapes that climbing melody line, holds that high note, rises higher still, and then gently, with exquisite tenderness and care, sets us down on the earth again.
He’s returned in front of me – I want to reach, to jump, to scream like the girls, but if he looks at me, I need to be dignified, I must be looking at his eyes, not anywhere else, to treat him like a human being, a beloved man, and not objectify him. Besides I am rooted, I can barely breathe, let alone move – what am I supposed to look at again? But try as I will, my eyes won’t be pulled any lower – I can see individual rhinestones around his eyes, like runway lights leading to his core and now I just want to look at his eyes, in my mind. Just as we knew, there’s plenty behind them.
Many women have said that Adam “filled a hole in their lives”, i.e. they were missing something, while I said that he blasted a hole in mine. Last night and this morning, I realized that indeed there was an empty place in my life that I had been trying to complete and that is – friendships with women like all of you. Women with whom I could have wonderful conversations and discussions, open to any and all topics.
But then out of this Babylon emerges this wonderful human being, so gifted and yet so normal, decent, and approachable. He connects Earth to the Heavens, and invites us to climb that ladder with him. This is the transformative magic of Art.