“I am so sad for you women…” – Juneau responds
Re: Comment posted by Jojo, February 21, 2010
I am so sad for you women, really, it is great you love Adam but you have crossed some line into ridiculousness and utter fantasy. I too have a favourite idols, I read everything I can about them, follow their careers with great pleasure but they have not changed my life, they have not made my life worth living, they have not openned me up to a whole new level of existance sexually or otherwise. They are just people I take an interest in, they are a part of my life, NOT my life.
Your condescension is misplaced, Jojo. Have you read our book? Or our blog? We had full, rich lives already – loving families, successful careers, avid interests in politics, social issues, culture – and the last thing we expected was for some pop star, from American Idol of all places, to jump into some nonexistent hole in our souls. But there was something about Adam Lambert that compelled us to yield to the overwhelming emotion and pleasure he evoked in us. Being the rational, in-charge women we are in our everyday lives, we also were driven to analyze what was going on. Adam’s open-book persona inspired us to take the added step of owning and expressing our experience, sharing things that never make it into our scientific papers, editorials and policy analyses.
What a mistake that turned out to be! We have met intelligent, sensitive women and men all over the world who share our “insanity”. We have discovered new worlds – inner and outer – and surprised ourselves. For two women who have travelled extensively, read voraciously and thought we knew it all, this was beyond delightful – better than hormone therapy or botox. Did we cross a line into ridiculousness and fantasy? Yes! That is the whole point. When our inner censors commanded us to shove our Adam Lambert love back into a box, we bitch-slapped our Superegos – “I’m not listening to you this time!” – clamped on our Bose headsets and cranked up the volume on Master Plan (see Xena’s commentary). If only everyone could find something as fabulously fun to re-ignite their lives.
Hear, hear!! Ladies you have got it right, you’ve grasped “the situation”. Ha ha
We already had spark…Adam fanned the flames
I just Know one thing, a fact for me: Adam Lambert trade my life for better, i just love him so much and i want to see him be happy, rich and famous forever.
Hi, I just wanted to say i agree with you so much, Adam is just so special and he adds so much to our lives and indeed only if you feel the same about him, than you know what we are talking about! I want to thank you both for the fantastic “on the meaning of Adam Lambert” You exactly wrote, how we feel. thank you! <3
I have never been as happy, as fulfilled, as passionate as I am now, and it began a year and a half ago. All of my friends/acquaintances ask what’s changed in my life. I tell them “Adam Lambert.” Some shake their heads, tsk-tsking me. Others look at me with wonder in their eyes and say, “Me too!” I’ve met some wonderful people during the past year, and have forged deep bonds with other people I barely knew before last January. This has been an incredible journey that still has many miles left to travel. And a shit-eating grin has burned itself onto my face!
Finding you, and your book, has only added to the delight I feel. Long live rock and roll. And Adam!
Poor Jojo,
If only you knew the rapture or having lead a vital life just to come upon someone so gratifyingly gifted that he locates an area in your mind, body & soul that hasn’t been touched yet. The joy of finding something new within yourself is overwhelmingly sublime, at any age and no less at 60!
Love, Light, Joy & New Experiences Always!
Kitty
Jojo, thank you for prompting Juneau’s response. I haven’t read anything since Adam entered my life that has made me feel more validated. Unlike many Adam junkies, I can’t say I have the busy life I once did. Also, since I am single, I don’t have someone to benefit from my renewed Adamania-induced interest in sexuality except myself. How I deal with that I leave to your imagination Jojo, which, if lost along the way, I hope you find soon.
I haven’t read other postings so have catching up to do. “The book” just came, so there is that to read also. I ordered another along with the tattoos, and hope they come in time for the July 9th concert which I am driving five hours to go to with my granddaughter. She wondered at first what was wrong with me, but she is eleven now and a convert. So far she thinks he is cute and loves his music, but is entering puberty and asking many questions. Since I had only sons, it is wonderful to feel so ready to talk to her not only about sex, but sexuality, which for me has many more nuances and colors. A brllliant full-spectrum rainbow of wonderous delights. Thank you Adam.
Xena and Juneau, I have downloaded your podcasts but haven’t listened to them all yet. Obviously I have lots to do.
I look forward to being a part of the community of the insane. I am “coffeeamust” on twitter, which I joined to follow Adam.
kittykat59, I am 61 and it’s too bad for all those who don’t understand, but it’s thrilling to find someone my age who does.
A big shout-out to the universe for giving us Adam.
Louanne
Jojo, you don’t quite get it. We do not have a ‘hole’ in our lives or our souls. We are happy contented busy people but we choose to love and admire a wonderful human being with mega talent who has inspired us in many ways.. We have made new friends online who have become real life friends now.
If I had to choose qualities to describe Adam’s fans, I would say they are intelligent, loving, caring and exciting.. The thing most of us have in common is that we dare… we dare to live our lives as we wish!
I sat down to watch American Idol in January of 2009. I had a crochet hook in one hand and 100 percent polyester yarn from Michael’s craft shop in the other. My calico cat, Kiki, lay on the sofa to my right. My fluffy white dog, Sydney, sat to my left. We have never missed an episode of American Idol if we could help it. We love it when someone sings us a song especially while we’re crocheting a scarf.
I had just cast on a row of 36 stitches when the image of a singing boy flickered onto the screen. It was Adam Lambert with his sweet smile, sultry gaze and fierce, God-given pitch-perfect voice. There are a thousand ways to explain it, but what happened is this: the teenage girl inside of me careened from her slobbed-out-poster-painted lair and announced herself like a car crash. She was in a halter top and hot pants, tipsy from the stash of beer under her bed. She had a cigarette in one hand and a matchbook with a stranger’s phone number in the other. She wanted to dance and make out and stay out all night. Bad.
The real teen age girl that I was, never owned a poster of a rock star or a boy band. I dated nice Jewish boys who would not have dreamed of lifting my shirt. I went to chaperoned dances and often had been elected to make the decorations for the dance. I was the sweetheart of a fraternity in my junior year of high school. I was, quite simply, the picture of everything nice. Not anymore. I morphed into a stalking fan-girl, in curlers and a crocheted scarf.
I was not the only one entranced. Websites sprung up about Adam, with fans who named themselves Glamberts and Lambskanks and I visited them all. I looked online for his brilliantly honest, sweetly spirited, patient and smiling interviews, and I replayed his hip swiveling, glammed-out, electrifying performances until my eyes flinched wearily in the glare of the computer screen.
I fell in love, unconditionally. And to prove it, It doesn’t matter to me one iota that Adam is gay. Love is love, no matter where you find it. When spirits connect, it doesn’t matter what age you are or whether there is a possibility that it will lead to marriage or even an autograph. It just is. And God smiles, especially when you have forgotten how to act your age– like when you buy faux leather pants that make you look like a muffin spilling over your baking cup. When he began to appear in my dreams I willingly offered him what was left of my middle-aged mind and everything else. Take it, Adam. It’s yours.
I was possessed by the desire to hear Adam sing, and to stare at his face and other things. Adam doesn’t just sing and dance. He blows your Chakras up, especially the ones comprising your reproductive organs. If you’ve passed your sexual prime, like I have, and have begun to toy with the idea that you may be approaching total sexual collapse, it may be helpful watch a set of swiveling hips, like Elvis’ or Adam’s. Adam isn’t only alive from the studded belt down, he is life-energy incarnate. He will blow the roof off the crown of your head, if you let him. I felt so giddy after some of his performances I could plainly see the Divine—an expanded version, that is– God in eye-liner and tight pants, practically belly-dancing the glitter off. Well, I do believe that God works through people, don’t you?
So I plugged in daily. The thing is, I noticed, gradually, mind you, that I was beginning to feel somewhat listless. So, I plugged in some more. And some more. The more Adam danced for me and sang for me and gave charming, hilarious, and brilliant interviews, (all for me), the more lethargic and boring I became. As tingly and giggly as I felt to behold the liveliest and most scintillating of performers I have seen in my considerable lifetime, the less I cared about, well, you name it, except for the bag of chips to my left and the pint of Cherry Garcia Fro Yo to my right.
I felt a little silly about this realization. I am a licensed therapist working in the field of addiction. Well, I’m here to tell you, therapists, being human, can get just as obsessed as anyone. Being keenly aware of the “cunning, baffling and powerful” nature of addiction, I did have to admire the way it crept in, and I had to pronounce myself hooked. We say in the field that someone is addicted when the choice to use is no longer a choice and negative consequences appear. Consequences might be those that impact say, relationship to self and other, work performance and finances, physical health or even leisure and recreation. I couldn’t deny I had stopped wanting to talk on the phone at night, read good books, write, or entertain myself other than online with Adam. The scales, literally and figuratively, were tipping.
I am also a certified yoga teacher. I know from my practice and my training that if you want cellular hot sauce, that feeling of being marvelously and gloriously alive, you have to originate it. You’ve got to stir your own stolid self to get the life energy circulating. Vibrate yourself mightily, (without batteries) and you will reach a very high frequency. In other words, you have to get out of the chair. Adam is seven spinning, glowing neon chakras of energy incarnate because, number one, he is doing what he loves, and, number two, he is, how shall I say it… shaking and dancing his “glambulge” off.
And so, very reluctantly, I assigned myself the mother of all treatment plan assignments, a good-bye letter. I’m used to assigning other people to write these kinds of letters—good bye letters to deceased parents or siblings, childhood friends, spouses or pets, even alcohol and drugs. Like best friends and soul mates, alcohol and/or drugs may have been their last remaining and most comforting companions on earth. My patients always look straight up at me when I give them this assignment, their eyes becoming shiny and ringed with pink. “That’s gonna be hard,” they say. I reassure them that they don’t have to do it immediately, that they can wait to write their good bye letter toward the end of their 30 day stay—when they’re feeling stronger. I still feel their reluctance. It is palpable, as though they close a door and push a large piece of furniture in front of it. That is because a good-bye letter will make you cry.
And now it was my turn to let go of my companion-a companion who has been with me daily since January 2009, also concurring with a great grief and loss in my life. I took a long, lingering look at past pleasures, and slowly open the door. I wrote the letter and poured out my sad and loving heart.
Update 1. I keep getting cravings to turn on the computer, just like addicts get cravings for drugs, but I have resisted. I think it helped to write the letter. Still, it’s hard. I am so grateful to Adam for taking me on the (For Your) Entertainment adventure of a lifetime. I am still a member of his fan club. I will still get tickets to shows and be delighted to buy magazines and records with his picture on the cover. He will always be a shining star to me. He is a sweet and eternal joy in my heart and I thank him forever for getting me through a great sadness, a great grief and a time of loneliness. I love him forever and forever.
Update 2. I do notice myself eating slightly more. I know about addiction that when you put a clamp on it, you may notice yourself beginning to crave something else. l will be mindful of that. And the sweetest thing happened. When I visited my boy friend this past weekend, (he lives in another state), I had more fun than ever. Especially, in the first two chakras.
Update 3: Now, a month after the good-bye letter, I have to be honest. I am in relapse. I sneak back now and then to see Adam perform. I have too. It’s too wonderful and amazing and inspiring to miss. Purple Haze in Amsterdam? What?!!! On Thanksgiving Day, 2010, I was waiting for the butternut squash to bake and I watched that performance again. When it ended, I looked down in my lap. Everywhere, there was glitter.
Oh Sherrie, your story hits so close to home. I know I am in the clutches of an unfathomable addiction. Each morning I tell myself I can keep it under control. I will limit myself to an hour online in the morning, an hour at night, maybe a snack in the middle of the day…and some days I can sort of stick to the plan, but on others…I fall off the wagon. I don’t know whether I should fight it, or do the reverse, and turn this passion into my vocation. No answers. Just wanted to share. – J
Passion is a beautiful thing– ah yes, go with passion, especially as it appears you have channeled it into highly productive and enjoyable activities–the book, the radio show, etc. Not to mention, the entire GlamNation is now depending upon you to be one of its mightiest pillars! I just howled when I read your expression “bitch slap the superego!” Oh, it’s all too funny and out of control! Thanks for the reply. Glad to know I’m not alone.
Having a hard day today (family stuff, won’t bother you with details) and then I read this post. For the first time in 3 days I laughed out loud again. I too, loved the part, “we bitch-slapped our Superegos”. And I always LOVE reading Juneau’s wonderful writing. However, the reading that really made me laugh, was your post Sherri. Not to take anything from the original post, of course. But your post speaks for so many of us.
I haven’t even TRIED to pull myself away yet, although I know I surely SHOULD some time, if I ever want to see a clean house again. LOL
Thanks for making me laugh and smile again.
Always a treat coming to this site girls. Keep up the great work.
Sherri thank you for writing your letter. I now know I am not crazy ! I have been trying to cut back on Adam..not let him go just cut back. The first time i found him I had walked in the door one night and heard someone on the tv singing. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to see this dark haired angel singing. It was Adam on American Idol singing his first Mad World. I fell in love and voted for him every time. Since i had never voted for anyone..never even cared about watching the show this was quite a big thing. It broke my heart when he didn’t get first place which everyone knew he deserved..even the winner. My husband died suddenly and I went into a depression I could not shake. I never had children and no living family so I felt so alone. I had friends but they all had husbands and children so I felt sort of left out of life. I was put on Zoloft and was never happy ..never sad. I went to lunch with the girls and did jigsaw puzzles. I was 60 years old just waiting for life to go by not living it. I gained 38 pounds and didn’t care. One day I happened to see one of the fan shows on tv and found Adam again. I learned to twitter just to hear about him. You tube became my favorite pass time..looking for Adam songs and any news I could find on him. Then I saw the blonde angel beside Adam in a you tube video and fell in love again. I lost all the weight..was staying up till morning light dancing to Adams videos and singing with him. My little dog would be up on her little legs dancing with me. She knows the music to Adams “If I had You “and will tap my leg to dance!! I ordered everything I could get..even a canvas poster from Australia. I never was a fan or did that kind of stuff even as a teen. I will be attending one of his concerts..will be my first concert ever. I got off my butt and went out and started life again. I was invited to a Miltary Ball by a nice man and I had a ball..dancing all night. (I had enought practice so I could go and go). I try not to stay up all night on Twitter and I go out in the day and am a Red Cross vol. I know if Adam had not come back into my life I would have no life. I love his music and also Freddy Mercury and Queen and love a old favorite singer Meatloaf again. I will never do more than cut back enough to have a better life but I check every night and morning to make sure Adam and Sauli are okay and see what the Glammys are up to. Waiting for my key to come and my cds of Tresspassing for my friends and I. Life is good again and no one can ever tell me a wonderful person like Adam is wrong about anything. He oozes goodness(and other stuff) and I cannot stand when anyone says anything bad about him or Sauli. It is like a rage takes over. I try to ignore them like Adam says but sometimes I cannot. I can understand now how someone could go off the deep end to protect something they love. Well it is time to go to bed and I have got a new Omega juicer to open in the morning!! I am Chineseglitter on Twitter
Welcome Chineseglitter! You are not alone! Thank you so much for sharing your story. Come over to the Lounge and introduce yourself. We’re a very welcoming and supportive bunch! Just click on the “Lounge” at the top of the page. – Juneau